Is It Okay to Allow Your Child to Sleep in Your Bed?

In our current society, both parents are almost required to work to support their family. Long gone are the years when a father could work one full time job and support a family of five. It's very difficult in our busy lives to spend enough time with our children. It's easy to allow our work schedule and paralegal certification classes to interfere with our family time. In our attempts to spend that much needed quality time, it's easy to allow our children to cuddle and sleep in bed with us. Now I'm not talking about the occasional nightmare, I mean allowing your children in your bed at least once a week. What are the benefits or consequences of this type of interaction? Is this time harming or helping your child?

Allowing your children to sleep in the bed with you has many benefits. In most cases children have their own beds but occasionally sleep with their parents. We often use this time as a means of bonding. When children are infants we often allow them in our beds to give them the skin to skin contact that babies crave. The truth is, as humans grow they continue to need that contact. With our more hectic lives we often loose sight of that need. We think that bathing our children, eating dinner together, or watching a favor television show together serves as this bonding time. The truth is no interaction or activity can replace good old fashion cuddling. Children need to cuddle for emotional reassurance. Physical love is a concept that we all crave. We want the hug and snuggle that tells us we are cared for. Our children need it more than adults. By allowing your child in your bed you are giving them a night of one on one contact.

On the other hand allowing your child to sleep with you too frequently can be detrimental. Children who sleep with their parents more than once a week are more likely to develop separation anxiety. Children must learn to sleep alone in their own rooms. As they grow older, kids will be required to spend more time alone. Introducing a child to their own bed and room aids in this development. Humans are naturally inclined to crave contact. We must train ourselves to be secure in the absence of interaction. By allowing your child to sleep in their own space you are aiding them in that training. This will also intern boost their independence and self-esteem.

Allowing your children in your bed can also affect your love life. The more frequently your children sleep with you, the more interference you will have. My children slept with me as babies and then moved in to their own room. Even though they were infants and had no idea what mommy and daddy were doing, it made me uncomfortable to be intimate with them present. The lack of intimacy put a great deal of strain on my marriage. Now they try to sleep with us as often as possible, but for daddy's sake I try to soothe them and place them in their own beds most of the time. Our love lives typically suffer from over working and stress as well, so to add a child that is accustomed to sharing your bed to the mix could be a disaster.

The key to this conundrum is "Everything in moderation". Keep your situation fluid. It's okay when the kids are sick to let them sleep with you for three nights in a row. It's also okay to say no and walk them back across the hall, when you and your significant other would like to have some alone time. Try to keep the bed sharing to less than once a week to prevent a fuss from the little ones. Also by keeping the mommy's room sleep overs sporadic, they will remain special. You want to avoid allowing your child to get in the routine of sharing your bed. Balancing life and family is never easy, but having special bonding moments with your babies is a great way to remind yourself why you do it.